Living with a grammar pedant

They're over there with their things.

I think this is right, but if I have to be sure, I will check the grammar pedant I live with. Nothing upsets him more than faulty grammar.

We had to stop our subscription to a major newspaper because of it. It was all just more than he could bear, seeing "moore than he could bare" or some such thing.

He would gloat over his finds, like a gold miner finding nuggets and every now and then he would strike a Eureka moment and share his find with all. He would phone his friends (who also seem to be equally precious about things being absolutely right) and they would discuss the their/they're/there minefield like military strategists. They would pull apart its usage, armouring themselves for further assaults.

My husband doesn't have a lisp, but when it comes to grammar, he seems to have particular trouble with the "t-h" words, also exposing the more recent then/than situation. Not that I have noticed, but he is visibly assaulted by people saying "other then" instead of "than".

Specifically is nothing to do with oceans, according to Mr Perfectionist who shakes a finger at the printed "pacific" applying to a certain fact. He would ask the man on the street, but he fears they might "aks" him to repeat himself, and all to no affect (effect).

Another is the use of plural verbs for singular nouns. It usually involves sporting teams which are of course singular, but as they contain players, regularly become plural. Enter the world of institutions and cities and my husband basks in the muck of mistakes like a noble hog.

He might speak with uncontrolled righteousness from his own grammar pulpit. He may point with quaking hands. He may elevate his voice and pontificate. But we think he delights in the discovery of an incorrect word, an incorrect use of the word and phrase misplaced. Give him a sporting team that is plural any day.

But nowhere is he more delighted than to find such a fault in this column, dear readers. Nowhere else is there such an immediate and pliable supplicant who must so willingly and immediately repent their sins and gratify his years of wisdom.

I aks youse, deer reiders, if their has ever bin such a speling scandle?

- Linda Muller